The Longbottom's Wedding (Or Chat With Evans 1)
by scaredofrobots
Summary: For anon on tumblr who asked petals to ask me for the Sirius/Lily Origin Story. Christmas Universe. How Lily and Sirius became friends.


Sirius Black fucking hated weddings.

Ever since he was a kid and was dragged to what felt like millions of pureblood weddings, he was well fucking shot of the whole damn idea of marriage.

When Frank Longbottom invited the Marauders to his wedding, James was adamant they all attend.

Lots of "Gryffindor Pride" and "First of our friends to get married".

Gryffindor Pride seemed to notfuckingmatteratall when your parents surprise you with a three week quidditch camp. Remus was off visiting some fucking werewolf monks to try and learn how to meditate and reach "his inner wolf" or some hippie bullshit and Pete was doing whatever Pete usually did in the summer.

So attending the Longbottom wedding as the Marauder delegate had fallen to Sirius Black. Sirius sat in the back row of the church. He knew this was the best way to get to the reception first so he could sneak some firewhiskey, mingle for thirty minutes and then get the fuck out of there.

The ceremony was short and beautiful and Sirius was making his planned quick exit when a pair of hands latched onto his arm and pulled him into a corner. It was Lily Evans. She looked lovely in her olive bridesmaid robes and Sirius was glad for the first time that James could not come to the wedding.

"Sirius Black, thank fucking God," she was saying as she pulled him into the corner, "I am so glad you are here"

"Lily Evans, I never thought I would live to see the day you were glad to see me. Finally realized what you are missing," he drawled.

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me Sirius Black," Lily poked him aggressively in the chest. "John Dawlish is a groomsman and he is trying very obviously to get in my pants. I told him I had a boyfriend because I thought Remus was coming and figured he would play along but HE'S NOT HERE so I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend."

There was a beat of silence.

Lily muttered "Please."

Then Sirius burst into laughter, "This is going to be the most fun I've ever had at a wedding Evans. Let us go find some Firewhiskey and chat about the finer details."

As a Marauder, Sirius took every scheme and role seriously.

"You have not gotten to third base, Sirius," Lily had argued when they had decided they've been dating a month.

"Come on Evans, look at us. We simply couldn't resist each other for much longer," Sirius winked

"You're a terrible human being," she laughed but relented and let him have third base.

By the time they finalized their details, the reception was already in full swing.

They swung by the drink cart and Sirius was impressed with how quickly Lily got the bartender to hand over a bottle of firewhiskey by saying it was for the bride and groom. He followed her and they weaved their way to the table reserved for the wedding party and their guests.

As they approached Lily whispered, "Here we go."

When they first arrived at the table, Lily had made a great show of introducing Sirius to John and mentioned the word "boyfriend" no less than 13 times throughout the painfully awkward dinner conversation. After the speeches, cake and one brilliant dance, Lily turned to him and stated, "Let's get out of here."

Sirius was happy to comply- or, really, _forced_ to comply. Drunk Lily Evans was surprisingly fast and surprisingly strong. She somehow managed to drag him through the reception hall and out the door before he realized that they had in fact "gotten out of there."

As she gleefully pulled him down the street singing, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way," Sirius realized he was fucked. He had to make sure this drunk mad girl didn't come to any harm or his best mate would absolutely murder him.

Lily stopped short and pointed to a far off neon sign, "LET'S GO BOWLING!"

"What the bloody fuck is bowling?" Sirius asked, thankful for a moment to catch his breath.

"IT IS SO MUCH FUN! And watch your language Black- I am a fucking lady," Lily grinned.

Sirius shrugged, "I've got nothing better to do- so let's try it."

Lily clapped her hands and grabbed him again, steering them in the direction of the neon sign singing, "Dashing off to bowl, with my mate Sirius, we'll make a lot of strikes and kick some muggle ass HOHOHO!"

When they arrived, Lily explained, "This is a bowling alley. You get to wear special shoes and you have to roll one ball down to knock over 10 pins."

"Sounds easy- how is that even fun?" Sirius asked.

Lily grinned mischievously and said, "You'll see. But first we need to transfigure our clothes- we can't bowl in wedding attire- you're the best at it so whip something up Sirius!"

"Lily- we're underage and-" Sirius started but then realized what a prat he sounded like when Lily raised her eyebrows at him, "right-" he continued, "well here goes nothing!"

Miraculously, Sirius had managed to transfigure their clothes into something that would pass for muggle. Lily gleefully hugged him and then continued to drag him into the bowling alley.

Sirius didn't know what to expect when they entered the bowling alley, but it wasn't a dark room playing loud music with bright lights and a haze of smoke.

He hadn't necessarily pictured an actual alley, but didn't realize it would be so large or crowded.

"Alright- so first things first-" Lily ordered him "We pay for our rounds of bowling, then we pick up our shoes, then we pick out the balls we want to use-"

At this Sirius started giggling, "BALLS!"

Lily rolled her eyes and continued, "Then we play."

"How do we play?" Sirius asked

"You roll the ball down the lane and try to knock all the pins over" Lily explained

"Seem super easy," Sirius sassily remarked, "Quidditch is better"

"Of course quidditch is better, but we're drunk and I am not getting on a broom with you," Lily said, exasperated. "Now let's go."

They ran into problems when they got to the shoes. As they were waiting, Sirius hissed, "THIS IS DISGUSTING EVANS! OTHER PEOPLE WEAR THESE?"

"They clean them," Lily gestured to the surly looking woman who was spraying the shoes with sketchy looking spray bottle.

"I am not wearing those," Sirius argued.

"I'll do a fucking cleaning charm, quit your bitching Sirius," Lily whispered back.

After their shoes were thoroughly scourgified, their balls selected, and their seats taken, Lily announced, "NOW WE SELECT OUR NICKNAMES FOR SCORING."

"I have a nickname. Padfoot," Sirius said blankly.

"That's your nickname for you and your stupid friends. I'm going to call you Sparky," she announced.

"Sparky?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, Sparky- it could be worse. Your nickname could be Broccoli Rob- speaking of- I think he's at the bar tonight. I'm going to go get us some beers while you come up with my nickname-" Lily announced and started off.

"I DID!" Sirius yelled across the bowling alley "It's Weed! Because you're not a flower you're an obnoxious Weed."

Lily simply held her fingers up at him.

After much pleading, Lily got Broccoli Rob to give her some beers even though she wasn't quite of age-

"Come on Broccoli Rob- we're mates. I've been your mate since before you hid all the Broccoli in your basement from the lunch ladies and we had all the good stuff for weeks," she had said and batted her eyes.

Victorious- Lily made her way back to where they were bowling and was surprised to find Sirius wearing nothing but his pants and the bowling shoes.

"What. The. Fuck." Lily stated.

"You told me I had to wear the shoes but didn't say anything about a shirt or trousers," Sirius winked.

"I leave for two seconds and you-" Lily started but was interrupted-

"You worry too much, love" Sirius told her and took his beer and downed it in one, "Now lets play."

Knowing things would only get worse from there, Lily downed her beer in a similar fashion.

Surprisingly, they were able to play several rounds with no complaints about Sirius' state of undress. It wasn't until their 4th beer and final round where Lily and Sirius were tied.

In true Gryffindor fashion, they decided that the winner would be determined by who could slide the farthest down the lane without falling.

They took off their shoes and ran…just as Sirius reached the pins yelling "VICTORY"- the lights suddenly turned on and alarms started blaring.

The Gryffindors turned to find two muggle police officers. Sirius began to rack his brain on how the fuck they were going to get out of this mess when Lily began to sob.

"I AM SO SORRY OFFICERS…..I just got my heartbroken and my mate Sirius here was trying to cheer me up. We were taking our shoes off to return them when we accidentally started to slide down the lane…" she wailed- magnificently- beautifully and somehow 100% believably.

As she continued to cry, Sirius even started to feel bad for her. Somehow Lily had gotten a handkerchief from one of the officers and was currently telling him "No, no we don't need a ride home. We'll just walk. Thank you so much."

Sirius quickly put his clothes back on after he was scolded by the police with, "Just because it's pretty doesn't mean we all want to see it."

They were politely asked to leave and never come back and reminded that they weren't of drinking age, "Even though I know your dah lets you have a pint with dinner Ms. Evans, you can't take advantage of Rob like that again."

With several apologies and promises of cookies later- Lily and Sirius were escorted out of the bowling alley with not so much as a citation.

After their final goodbye to the policemen, Sirius remarked, "Damn Evans- I didn't know you could talk your way out of trouble so well."

"How the fuck do you think I got prefect then," was the reply- and then, "Apparate me home?"

One deafening crack later, they found themselves looking up the drive of The Evans' home….where two aurors were waiting for them.

"Fuck," was the chorused reaction- but then- Lily remarked, "I got this"

Again Sirius was subjected to watching Lily Evans cry her way out of legal repercussions. Only this time she spun a tale of romance about them enjoying the wedding and how they were so in love they forgot themselves and that they weren't at school. The whole thing ended with a very dramatic kiss in which Sirius was happy to comply with (only to tell the tale later at the inevitable Evans/Potter wedding).

Once the second set of authorities left without any citations and were actually _fucking thanking_ Lily Evans for her time.

When she waved them away she gave Sirius a devious wink.

"Men never know what to do with tears," she shrugged.

"If I wasn't going to break 25 sections of the Marauder code I would ask you to marry me Evans," Sirius responded- totally stunned

Lily laughed, "Of course you nerds have a fucking code- also- I don't think Remus is much into sharing."

"I am a lot of man to handle though- he might welcome the relief," Sirius said thoughtfully

"We should probably start off by trying to be mates," Lily smirked.

"Is that a proposal Ms. Evans?" Sirius asked.

With a huff Lily got on one knee and said, "As you wish, Mr. Black, I have struggled in vain and can bear it no longer. These past years have been a torment. I have fought against judgement, my shit friends expectations, your dumbass pranks, your obnoxious mates and numerous headaches from Remus whining about how much he fancied you. I will put them aside and ask you to end my agony. I find you tolerable. Most ardently. Please do me the honor of becoming my mate?"

Sirius looked at her skeptically, "Pride and Prejudice- you're such a fucking girl."

"I'm a fucking lady," Lily retorted

With a laugh Sirius said, "Alright. I'll be your mate. Fuck if I know how I'm going to explain this to James."

"Just tell Potter we had a chat at the Longbottoms Wedding," Lily gestured, "and then we can use that as an excuse to sneak off and get hammered."

"Dammit Evans. Don't make me love you even more," Sirius groaned.

"The name is Weed, Sparky" Lily stated as she poked him in the chest and then drew him into a hug. "Thank you. I've had a shit summer and tonight has been the highlight."

When she pulled away, Sirius saw actual tears in her eyes, "All part of the job description, love," he smirked.

"Right- well- see you in a week or so," Lily extended her hand for a very formal shake

"See you," Sirius responded.

The last week of summer passed by as the last week of summer always does- in a blur.

Sirius was glad that James and Remus returned from their respective trips two days after the wedding and that he was able to spend the end of the summer with his best mate and boyfriend.

Pete joined them on August 28th and they crammed a ridiculous amount of mischief into the last four days of summer.

He hadn't given his new mate Lily Evans a lot of thought except for the few moments of panic he experienced when James (and then 4 days later Peter) asked, "Oh- how was the Longbottom wedding?"

Following the rules of getting out of trouble he stuck to "less is more" and only answered, "Fine- a bit boring"

And the subject was dropped and Sirius felt safe from explaining anything until September 1 when the door to the Marauders' compartment was open and Lily Evans sashayed in and stated, "Hello boys" and promptly plopped down next to Sirius and put her head on his shoulder and moaned, "Remind me to never stay with McKinnon the night before we leave for Hogwarts next year. Bird woke me up at 5am to make sure we had everything fucking packed. I never wake up that early. I just go into a shouting match with her for calling me dramatic-"

"She didn't!" Sirius exclaimed

"She did- So I told that bitch- I don't know who the fuck you think-"

"LANGUAGE EVANS" Sirius interrupted

"Fine- I told that bitch I don't know WHOM the fuck you think you are but if I'm too dramatic for you I'll just get new mates. So here I am" she finished triumphantly and swung her feet into Sirius' lap after her proclamation.

Crossing his heart Sirius told her solemnly, "I will never call you dramatic Evans. I solemnly swear"

"I know you won't because I could kick your ass," she responded and bopped him on the nose

James Potter stared completely shocked for a full five minutes as he watched his best mate and the girl he was in love with banter as if they had grown up across the street from each other.

As always he turned to Remus for answers but Remus (the fucking traitor) only shrugged his shoulders and returned to his book.

James was racking his brain trying to figure out where this development had come from when his thoughts were interrupted by Lily asking, "Alright, Potter?"

James stared at her- speechless.

She looked at him curiously and asked very slowly- like someone speaking to a small child, "Was your summer alright then James? Sirius told me you went to quidditch camp?"

The longest 5 seconds (or was it a year?) of his entire life passed by as he struggled to remember how to speak. Remus' sharp elbow in his side reminded him and he began to tell Lily all about the camp. He was surprised at her knowledge of quidditch and he interest in the camp. James thought the girl would probably always surprise him.

After they relaxed into each other's company, the next two hours passed by blissfully. Lily looked at her watch and moaned, "Well Remus- off we go to die of boredom in the prefects meeting"

"Ugh," Remus responded, "I hope Nigel Fucking Babbington drowned this summer."

"Nigel is perfectly nice," Lily responded, "At least he isn't as excited about the meetings as Yvonne the Hufflepuff. Come on then!" And she grabbed Remus by the arm and opened the door of the compartment.

Before the door closed Lily yelled back, "Don't get into trouble Sparky!"

Sirius laughed and told her, "I never get in trouble unless you're around!"

The door slammed shut and Sirius reached for Remus' discarded book.

There were a few moments of silence before James could simply no longer hold in the question that had been burning him alive since Lily Evans entered the compartment and sat down next to his best mate.

"What. The. Fuck. Was. That?" He asked, slightly yelling-but also whispering

Peter dropped the scarf he was attempting to knit he was so startled.

Turning the page of the book with a bored air, Sirus remarked, "What was what?"

"You- EVANS- You- and Evans? You and Evans sitting and talking and laughing? And the Sparky? And the Weed? What the Fuck?" James asked again bewildered.

"James- we've talked about how to form a proper sentence and that wasn't one," Sirius stated much like you would to a small child and was barely repressing his maniacal grin.

Frustrated James ran his hands through his hair and asked again, "Why the ever living fuck did Lily Evans walk into our compartment and sit next to you like you were mates?!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Because we are mates, James, pay attention?"

"WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?" James exploded

"At the Longbottom's wedding- I thought I told you," Sirius explained, "We had a lovely chat and decided we should be mates. We have so much in common you know. Great hair, wicked sense of humor, a love of fine whiskey, and of course we're both bloody gorgeous. But chin up mate- this only means you can get closer to Lily. I've got a feeling she's going to be around a long time."


End file.
